Tag Archives: rheumatoid arthritis

A Chronic Nightmare

I’m having a tough day.  It appears that I triggered another flare up with the travel and yard work I endured the past few days.  The Humira gives modest relief for about three days after each weekly injection.  Only two more days until my next one.

I’ve been caught in this chronic nightmare for six and a half years.  I don’t think I can endure another twenty or thirty years like this.  I did the math.  I have endured constant pain for 17.5% of my life.  If I see 63, I will have spent 50% in pain.  

That’s a far cry from my aspirations of success and happiness in years past.  Those are gone.  Dreams are silly delusions reserved for children.  Reality is cold and hard, and for the lucky ones, well, I’m reminded of Ecclesiastes:

“And I thought the dead who are already dead more fortunate than the living who are still alive. But better than both is he who has not yet been and has not seen the evil deeds that are done under the sun.”

‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭4:2-3‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I know I may be taking this passage out of context because my oppressor isn’t a man–it’s my immune system that has turned against me.

Life is hard.  The novelty is that we don’t know how much we will have to endure nor do we know how long it will persist.  Regardless, I hope tomorrow will be better.

Just Like Paradise

The old David Lee Roth tune comes to mind this morning, yet it is antithetical to how I’m feeling since Thursday’s Remicade infusion.

This visit ended with a twist of sorts as my hips were injected with steroids in an effort to curb some of the pain.  Instead, at least for now, they are stiff and achy; it is reminiscent of having to chisel and pry and hammer a worn out strut.  (I am no mechanic, so any repair I make involves pry bars and hissy fits.

As soon as I complete my shift at work, I’ll be back in bed like the past couple of days.  This is only a bonus from my typical searing pain in my lower spine. My upper spine feels like it has been contorted by a gorilla.  I think farmers give their sick horses better treatment when they lead them out to a pasture, gun in hand.  And no, I’m not implying anything as I’m against euthanasia.  I’m not above whining, though.

I’ve been feeling pretty horrible the past six weeks or so.  I have had my share of hiding in the bedroom.  I’m just frustrated today.  

(Cue DLR) — THIS MUST BE JUST LIKE LIVING IN PARADISE.

Consider It Pure Joy…

It’s not all fun and games dealing with chronic pain. It can also be quite expensive. After years of pain, I was finally diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis a few months ago.

At first, I was prescribed Humira. I had one injection that showed promise. Two weeks later I sprayed the shot all over the room because I forgot how to operate the injection pen. Brilliant, right?

Due to insurance problems I was switched to Enbrel. My rheumatologist is a schemer that likes to stick it to the man. Enbrel and Humira have discount cards where you can pay as little as five bucks a month for your medication. The credit from the discount cards applies to your insurance deductible. I thought everything was going to be rainbows and unicorns until I learned that I still have to pay 40% for my medication until I have paid $5000 out of pocket. I know, it’s a terrible plan. Especially since we have private insurance and pay close to $700 a month for family coverage.

I’m switching back to Humira later this month because it seemed to work. Enbrel does nothing for me. After the discount card is applied, I’m going to start paying $426 a month for my medicine. It’s money we don’t have so we are going to eat more beans and rice. It will be money well spent if it relieves me of this pain, though.

I’m sure I’m not being very clear regarding this insurance debacle, but I really don’t have a clear understanding to begin with. Apparently, there is the deductible and there is a separate copay for medications. In a nutshell, it’s a lot of money with little return. Thank you Obama. This Affordable Care Act seems to make health care very expensive for families that work. In my case, my wife works 50-60 hours a week. I’m unable to work, so I’m essentially a housewife who does the cooking. The cleaning…not so much.

I’ve been shuffling like an old man the past few weeks. I try not to whine too much about my ailments, but I’m irritated when friends who have little to complain about start crying about not having a spouse. I could be wrong but I think women are a little turned off by desperation. Advertising your desperation on Facebook is a double turn off. At least he has the potential of finding a mate. I’m sure there is at least one woman in 1000 who are attracted to sensitive men who cry into their bosom every night. I can soak my wife’s bosom with my tears all I want, but I’m still going to be shackled with chronic pain.

I’m comforted by the fact that the Bible never says God promises happiness. With Him, you can be joyful which transcends all circumstances. James 1 teaches that trials of all kinds develop perseverance.

Besides, there’s something much more important than anything I endure. I was going to quote Romans 8:18, but I realized I already did that here.

Not-So Affordable Care

The medical industry is a racket. Tomorrow will be my first appointment with a rheumatologist. I have various joint symptoms, and after seeing my regular doctor and an orthopedist, this is the next step.

We have private insurance because my wife works for a small company and I have been unable to work full time for three years because of my ailments. Our best guess is that I have an autoimmune disorder that was triggered by trauma stemming from a vasectomy. (In simple terms, the doctor forgot to inject the lidocaine). I have had numerous procedures and have been dealing with nerve damage in this delicate area only to have increasing pain in my knees and ankles.

I’m displeased because I just received a phone call from the doctor’s office informing me to bring $500. I read was a requirement for those without insurance. The day I filled out the forms, I told my wife, “Yay us! We have insurance!”

Private insurance. $6600 deductible. All so we could have insurance for under $700 a month. Insurance that is pretty much useless unless one of us gets into a car accident and loses a face while growing a tumor farm on their back. And athlete’s foot. It’s the athlete’s foot combined with everything else that helps meet the deductible.

This insurance nightmare is still pre-Obamacare. By January, we should be feeling the rainbows and unicorns from the Affordable Care Act bearing down on us. I’ll be surprised if we don’t end up paying $1000 a month for less coverage.

I’m sorry. Did I say coverage? Paying for everything out of pocket doesn’t sound like an equitable proposition. On top of that, let’s pay the equivalent of a small house note each month so we can carry around a worthless insurance card.

I can see why some people might be driven to rob banks. Maybe I should bring a cap gun to my appointment and demand a free consultation.

 

(Above CC image courtesy of 401(K) 2012 on Flickr).