Tag Archives: gluten free

Health Consciousness and a Messy Life

It appears that life just seems to get busier and messier as time passes.  A few weeks ago, my rheumatologist sent me to physical therapy to strengthen my back and to improve my overall posture.  When I was stricken with unbelieveable nerve pain five and one half years ago, I only left the bed when absolutely necessary.  Those necessities also included work that I struggled through while I was jazzed up on Oxycontin and Percocets.  That would barely take the edge off.  At one point I was on methadone.  That had no effect on my pain whatsoever.

My regular doctor drew blood for some tests and she sneaked a cholesterol test in there.  My levels were nearing 400.  Naturally, she said I had to lower my cholesterol or she was going to put me on yet another medication.  This conversation was about six weeks before Christmas and there was no way I was going to put the brakes on my epicurean diet until after the new year.  On January 19, I began monitoring my calorie intake and have been avoiding bad foods (namely donuts).  Since then, I have lost nearly ten pounds and I’m sure my cholesterol levels have improved.  I’m eating around 2000-2200 calories/day, but given my previous diet, I’m guessing that my normal calorie intake was 3500-4000/day.  Five cokes a day, donuts galore, and gravy feasts have been unkind to my waistline, and apparently, my heart.  I now weigh 201.6 pounds and am working to get it down to around 185.  Oh, and the wife wanted me to go gluten free a couple of months to see if it reduces my chronic inflammation due to my ankylosing spondylitis.

Now for the messy (at least for my parents).  A couple of years ago I had to remove my meth addicted sister from my family’s life.  Sometimes it is hard on the kids, but I was never close.  My parents are trying to get her into rehab but she refuses and speaks gibberish.  One thing she often repeats is that she cannot go to rehab because “they” would kill her.  Now, this has come to include my parents.  This delusion may have some merit because some big dude came up to my dad and told him to leave town.  Apparently, my sister has gotten herself entangled in some sex ring.  I know she always had problems with drugs, but I had no idea that she was this lost.  My dad came from Michigan to Arkansas for a few weeks to try to get my sister into rehab, and the most disturbing story I heard so far was that my dad was staying the night at my sister’s apartment when she and her boyfriend engaged in some manner of sexual deviancy in the kitchen.  Naturally, my dad had to find another place to stay.  I agree that was the best move because if that insanity is occuring in front of him, it is natural to assume that he was next.  To say the least, had he been raped, it would have ruined his trip.  I’m hoping that my parents will be able to stop that derailed train.

Somehow, in light of this nightmare, it seems that my constant pain is insignificant in comparison.

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Apple Flaxseed Muffins

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I prefer bacon.

The Luoma house usually isn’t known for health food. With all of the sausage, bacon, and pig parts to season beans, gumbos, and pastas in addition to the cakes made with sweet cream butter, Heather decided she wanted to try a “healthier” menu. I’m willing to give it a shot, but I’m concerned that our meals may suffer from a flavorectomy.

I found a great looking recipe for flaxseed muffins. Yeah, I don’t know what flaxseed is, either. It smells kind of nutty and reminds me of the remnants at the bottom of a box of Cracklin’ Oat Bran. This flaxseed stuff is nothing like cracklins.

That reminds me of a time I hit the drive thru of Southern Made Donuts. They had a sign that they had fresh cracklins. They did not disappoint. They even gave me the end of a crackled snout. It had one and a half nostrils and some hair was still implanted. I enjoyed every bit of that hairy snout.

I adapted this recipe, and I have concerns trying out coconut oil. It looks like petroleum jelly and it tastes like coconut. I’m not a huge fan of coconut, but I promised my wife I would try cooking with it.

1 1/2 cups flaxseed
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 tablespoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon allspice
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup sugar
2 teaspoons orange peel
1/4 cup coconut oil
1/2 cup water
4 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 chopped apple
1/4 cup chopped pecans

Preheat oven to 350.

Grease cupcake pan.

Mix all ingredients together.

Let stand about ten minutes. I presume it is to allow the flaxseed time to absorb some liquid, but what do I know? I don’t know what flax is and I’m too lazy to google it.

Pour batter into pan.

Bake approximately 20 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.

Makes 15. I know the pan only makes 12 muffins. You’ll have to get creative.

I have to admit, these muffins polarized our household. Heather thought they were yummy, Alli thought they were great, Zoe’ liked them so much she had to go back for more, and Maddie licked the mixing bowl clean. I didn’t care for them. Maybe if they were Bacon Apple Flaxseed Muffins I would enjoy them. I don’t know if I’m compatible with health food.