Euphemism

I’d be lying if I said that keeping my mouth shut is my spiritual gift. My spiritual gift is more akin to putting my foot in my mouth. I’m getting better, though. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

I used to say whatever came to mind, but I’m trying to replace statements like, “What are you…stupid?” Mind you, I’m not saying, “What are you, Stupid?” It’s not nice calling people stupid but somehow it seems better asking someone if they are stupid.

Now, when I want to say something inappropriate, I try to say, “That’s just terr-ific.” More like , “That’s. Just. Terrrific.” You drag it out for effect. You want to hang on the “r” in terrific to really show your disgust.

Best of all, it works in just about any situation.

“The septic tank is cracked.” That’s just terrific.

“We are out of oatmeal cream pies.” That’s just terrrific.

“Business is slow. We are gonna have to let you go.” That’s just terrific.

This even works when someone is asking how you feel. Terrific. That stops the conversation cold. Nobody really wants to hear how lousy you feel, anyway.

In the meantime, I’m going to try to control my compulsion to slap people. I’ve never actually slapped someone, but people can really say some…uh…terrific things.

Written in response to the Daily Post’s Break the Silence prompt.