The Mundane is the Spice of Life

Nobody ever puts off something exciting. “Maybe tomorrow I’ll climb Mount Rushmore in a bee costume and hit golfballs off Lincoln’s head.” You don’t hear that. Or how about, “I’m just not ready to cash in my thirty-eight million dollar lottery ticket.” If given the opportunity to catch Bigfoot with a butterfly net, you’ll certainly do that over washing laundry.

When you procrastinate, you are usually putting off something ordinary.

“The dishes can wait until tomorrow.”

“Forget the DMV. Who needs a license anyway?”

“I can’t bathe the kids now, the pizza guy just got here with my triple cheese pepperoni and anchovy pizza and ‘The Biggest Loser’ starts in five minutes.”

Sure, exciting moments in life add color to your tapestry, but it is the mundane that is the spice of life.

Standing in line at the grocery store, changing your oil, four long years of college. I know the toga parties were great, but it’s the hours of studying that shaped you. It’s a slow process like a rippling creek cutting a path in sandstone.

So buck up. Pay your electric bill. Go work at that job you hate. Watch that infomercial. The unremarkable moments define your life.

The Future is Yesterday

Quantum Leap is probably my favorite time travel show.  Some dude randomly goes back in time to correct ‘wrongs’ in history.  Through his hologram pal, he has access to a supercomputer named Ziggy that makes all of the probability calculations to determine the outcome of his actions on the future.  He even gets to experience others’ lives by hijacking their body while their soul hangs out in some waiting room in the future.  Now that I think about this time traveling bodysnatcher, it sounds kinda creepy.  To complicate matters, there was an evil leaper who went back in time to undo favorable moments in history.

Multiply that by a million.  If time travel is ever achieved, the technology will eventually be affordable enough for Mr. Average Joe to have his very own time machine.  A million potential time travelers is a reasonable number given that there are what, seven billion people on the planet?  A million people traipsing through time, crushing colorful butterflies with their muddy boots, and essentially bungling history.

Either our lives will become a series of Billy Pilgrimesque flashbacks, or there are infinite timelines.  For a universe that is finite, I find it hard to believe that anything infinite can come from it.  Besides, having a fractured lifetime could be somewhat interesting if you aren’t driven insane.

This could be a brave new world where not only is anything possible in the future, everything is possible in the past.

Perhaps the best place (or time) to go for the time traveler would be the future.  I would choose a method where you don’t even need a fancy phone booth.  I would choose to make the Rip Van Winkle Caper a reality.  I mean, who doesn’t like a good caper?

To mastermind a gold heist and to enjoy it after a hundred year slumber, you would have to be pretty fit.  One, because gold is really heavy.  Two, I don’t know if I would want to be riddled with arthritis in a future where everyone is a muscular android lizard person.  Actually, you might want to make a lizard person suit out of a set of footie-pajamas so you can blend in.

If you arise in the future and gold is worthless, oh well.  Just wait.  There are a million jokers traveling through time and they are bound to change your future.