Mindless Drivel

Conversation is overrated. I learned this over the years by having conversations with my dad. I don’t know if he was born to have long discussions about nothing or if it is the result of his dad re-enacting Three Stooges scenes by clunking his head against his sisters’ heads.

My dad knew the art of having conversations beyond their expiration date by interjecting meaningless and irrelevant details. Is being subjected to inane conversation considered abuse?

Flash forward to the present: I still hate details and I dislike most conversation more than two words. I actually spend a lot of time thinking about saying something as concise as possible. When I ask a question, I require only the detail I ask for.

An example of of scintillating conversation would be something like this: “Was the movie good?” An acceptable reply is “yes.” A typical answer is more like this: “The movie was blah, blah, blah, blah…”

See what I did there? I just tuned out and directed my attention to the dog defecating in the yard. I’m thinking, “Why does the dog crinkle itself up to poop but stretches out to pee?”

My wife is irritated by my attention span. Not that she has inane conversation. She always wants to discuss important matters, but my brain has been trained to have drive-thru dialogue. “Would you like fries with that?” Of course I want fries with that. What a stupid question. I always want fries with that unless they are calf fries.

See how easily I’m distracted? I can remember the old 80’s commercial by the United Negro College Fund. “A mind is a terrible thing to waste…” Then I remember the commercial with Iron Eyes Cody crying when he sees someone litter.  Did you know he wasn’t Native American?

Just be glad I’m not an air traffic controller.

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